I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
