I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
