I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
