weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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