it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
