no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
