So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
