You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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