He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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