How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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