New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
