I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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