I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
