he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
