My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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