I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
