Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize