I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
