Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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