Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
