Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
