there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
