u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize