dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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