U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
