So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize