I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
