Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
