Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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