I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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