Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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