your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
