I wanna bring you to show and tell
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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