Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
