So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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