Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize