i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
