dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
