We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
