awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
