man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
