i came on her dog
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
