EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
