Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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