You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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