It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
