Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
