May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
