Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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