I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
