He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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