I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
