i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
