it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize