8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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