I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it glows. i had to have it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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