I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
