Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
