"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
