at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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