So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
