I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
