i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
