i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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