so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
