I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
