she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
