I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
