Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
