I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize