apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
