I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
