I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize