i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
