Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
