It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
