Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
