If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
