I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm passing your future prison.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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