im drinking this country out of the recession.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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