Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize