he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
