so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
