My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
