TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
