When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
