So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
