I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
