thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
