No, drunk sperm still make babies.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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