I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
