Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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