accomplished twins. life is a go
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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