so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize