Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
