even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
