so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize