First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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