He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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