We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
