i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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