420 ftw
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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