Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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