No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
