Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
