when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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