I can text with my tongue
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this just has baby written all over it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
