if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
