He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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