3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Duck Duck Cougar?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
