I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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