Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
