Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
