Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
